when I was a baby

I never really understood myself as a toddler. I remember always not wanting to be here. I wished I was my brother and my brother was me. You see I never even met him; he died before I was conceived. I was a whoop’s 18 months later. I tried to kill myself, twice before I was four. I drank a complete bottle of lighter fluid and went to bed. Waking up in the morning nothing different. The next time I tried to dive out the second story window onto the rock garden. Got a scratch on the knee, and the lady across the road yelling at my Mom, which made me only more sullen! I only saw myself as a hushed child. But apparently I was very ominous. They say there are 2 sides to every story. In a Bi-polar I guess there must be 4, mine, mine, and the other 2. LOL
They Say you only turn at 30'ish, to this I say bull shit. I have always been moody. I know they say that I had an unstable upbringing. I was red stamped from grade 2 on. So If your just pushed on what do the expect from you. What is unstable to one is not to another. I can count back 18 generations of severe mental disorders in my lineage. It’s in the genes.